Saturday, November 8, 2008

50 Extroverts, One Stage, 60 Seconds Each

Oh, that every night could be 60 Seconds Max.

The plan: get a whole bunch of Seattle actors, dancers, and comedians. Let each have the stage for, at most, 60 seconds.

Also, give them lots of free beer.

Full original text (I cut it heavily to reach 60 seconds):


(CON MAN in the middle seat of a plane, reading the Wall St Journal or financial section of local paper, big stock graph on front)

The captain has now turned off the rational investing sign. You may move freely about the financial market.

(puts down the paper; excited, twitchy)
Flyin' the friendly skies, eh? Gotta love it up here, looking down on it all. Gosh, everybody looks so small!!
(leans over his seatmate to peer out window)
(turns face to seatmate, too close, really seeing him for the first time. Grabs tie.)
Hey buddy, you look like the type who'd be interested in making a dime or two! Got a little nest egg you'd like to grow? Wanna double it? Triple it? I'm the guy who can take you there!
(backs off a bit to smooth out seatmate's tie)
(hurriedly, manic)
It's not my first time, you know. Nope. I've been doing this for years – I always fly steerage, too. I do. I love it back here. There are always such interesting people to talk to. And such good listeners, too. You wanna hear my pitch? Of course you do!
(stands; dreamy faraway look)
You see, the whole trick is not to sell the widgets...nobody makes any real money there. We're after widget derivatives. Secondary widgets. Tertiary widgets.
(glances back to seatmate)
I'm talking seven figures in the first year, buddy! It's gonna be you and me, flyin' first class all the way! And we'll get Don LaFontaine, or maybe Matt Wright to do the ad:
(focus toward audience; booming voice)
In a world where everything is virtual, your customers demand something LESS than reality. MegaDerivativeCo is here to satisfy that illusion, with the cutting edge tools your business needs...
(rumbling noise / metal flexing. CON MAN rocks unsteadily as the plain hits turbulence)

The captain has informed us that the market is now crashing. Do not be alarmed. Return to your seats and attach your oxygen mask directly to your wallet. If you have a venture capitalist with you, attach your own mask first before attending to him.

(still standing)
Oh, nevermind that, it's just a minor market adjustment, we'll be back on track in no time...

(sounds of grinding metal; CON MAN is thrown face-first to the ground as plane crashes, cash exploding from his pockets onto audience)


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